Entre Libros Y Tazas

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong.”

Much of my adult life has been a litany of poor decisions leading to unfortunate consequences. This has caused me to struggle emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually, and physically. Don’t get me wrong, some decisions were to do because I struggled with severe depression and anxiety, but I also wasn’t making decisions that would benefit me or help me get better. I got a credit card at 18 and maxed it out (≈$1600) within 6 months. I wasted most of the money my parents put aside for me for college (≈$4000) by failing all but 3 classes in a year and half. Due to my severe depression, I developed a Binging ED. This, along with my diagnosis of PCOS, led to massive weight gain. It took many years for me to acknowledge many of the problems I was struggling with, let alone make strides to get my life together.

Last year, 2024, I finally started making small changes to change some of the aspects of my life that were making me unhappy. I started paying off my credit card, beyond just the minimum payment that was barely doing anything. I went back to school and am currently pursuing my Bachelors in Business Administration. I started going to the gym again, but unfortunately got out of habit and wasn’t eating right either way. Though I started making these changes, they weren’t getting to the root of the issue. The insecurities were still there, the anger and the resentment (at myself and others), and apathy because of the lack of results I saw.

I had to start a journey of healing, mind, body, and soul. I began correcting the way I talked to myself. I started wearing clothes that made me feel beautiful, not just clothes that hid my body. I started getting ready most days of the week so that I felt good about myself. I started doing a skincare routine and doing my makeup because I liked to, not because I thought I needed it to look beautiful. Even though I was making all these changes, I still am not where I want to be. I still lack self-discipline and restraint in most other areas of my life. That is until now.

It is September 1st, 2025, I am 24, and I have decided that enough is enough. I am done struggling just to struggle. I am done making decisions that cause instant gratification, but are harmful in the long run. My life will turn around starting today. I am choosing my struggle. I know building the right habits, and learning discipline will be hard, but I am choosing to struggle with that instead of struggling to make ends meet, to feel good in my body, to feel right with God, and to feel emotionally and mentally well. I am starting anew, and that is okay. The changes I make now, will lead to lifelong change. I will have enough money for my bills, but also to save and to have fun. I will start taking care of my body by giving it enough energy and nutrients. I will start reading my bible and praying consistently, actually investing in my relationship with God. I am no longer choosing to struggle to simply survive, but I am choosing to struggle to actually live my life to the fullest.